Why you should never let your kids out of your sight.

Ok, maybe a bit extreme, but I just saw this article on FOX.  It’s extremely tragic and ends in a kid at a party drinking and then being beaten to death.

Sarasota County deputies say Max and Beverly Herrera hosted an underage house party at their home in the 4000 block of Teakwood Lane on July 29.

Gregory Kennedy, 18, died during a brawl at the house party.

Who the hell holds a party with underage drinking?  Who lets their kids go to a party like that?  This is the part that really gets me.

His son would have been a senior at Sarasota High School this year. Kennedy says he wants justice.
“We repeatedly asked Gregory, ‘are the parents going to be there? This is a birthday party, are you sure the parents are holding it?’ Yeah, you guys worry too much. He was right. He never lied to us about that kind of stuff,” Kennedy said. We just didn’t know what kind of parents. Now we know.”

As a parent, it’s not enough to know that the kids will be under adult supervision, because guess what; There are some pretty stupid adults out there.

Now, I’m not going to be naive and say kids won’t drink – it does happen.  And I’m sure you can put some of the blame on the kids, after all nobody forced them to drink.  But these parents have ruined a lot of people’s lives by allowing alcohol at an underage party.  The family of the victim is devastated, the kid is dead, and two of the kids are up on murder charges – not what I’d call a successful party.

For all you parents out there, get to know the parents of your child’s friends really, really well before letting them have any sort of supervision over your kids.  Remember that nobody needs a license to become a parent.

 

My Daughter’s Adventurous Spirit

There is a timely post over at Discovering Dad called “Do It Because I Said So!”

Timely, because I find myself guilty of using the “because I said so” to the questions of “Why?”.  Oh, I try to explain it, but after about the fifth or sixth why, I fall back on the old standby, maybe it’s because I can’t stand up to my daughter’s superpower, the mind bending power of 4 year old logic.

We have trees in our backyard.  Beautiful plum and fig and apple trees.  They make for excellent climbing, and she often uses them for these purposes.  As I used to climb trees as a kid, I let her indulge herself for about 5 or 6 feet before I start to get the nervous pit in my stomach and then out comes parental mode!

• ME: Don’t climb any higher please <parental concern>
• HER: Why?
• ME: I don’t want you to fall. <describe consequences of actions>
• HER: It’s ok daddy, I won’t fall!
• ME: You might climb too high and the break a branch. <property damage>
• HER: I’ll be careful
• ME: If you fall, you’ll hurt yourself <personal harm to herself>
• HER: I’m not going to fall daddy!
• ME: The tree won’t be able to support you if you go higher <limiting factor>
• HER: I can see really far!
• ME: OK honey, time to come down now. <ending the activity>
• HER: Why?
• ME: Because I said so. <Doh!>

So, looks like I’m off to the library to go check out the book Mike recommends on his site:

How to Work a Room, Revised Edition: Your Essential Guide to Savvy Socializing by Susan Roane Read more about this title…

 

April was a busy month

All I can say about last month is that I’m glad I got through it… some of my highlights included:

1. My laptop computer has been on it’s last legs for a while… it’s an HP pavilion workhorse (nx9000 series) -17 inch monitor, big hard drive, fast cpu, lots of memory, and about 4 years old with a fan that was in hyper drive and enough heat generated to warm a small room to a comfortable temp.  A year ago lines started to show up in the display.  Every month a few more vertical lines would appear.  The nvidia video driver kept freezing the operating system about 6 months ago, so I had to use the generic windows video card driver – which meant no cool video games for me.  Finally, it looks like the video card has given up the ghost.  No video on the LCD, no video on the external monitor.  So this week I finally did the research and bought a new laptop computer and have spend the week restoring backups and reloading all my applications on the Windows Vista64 operating system.

2. Chickens are evil to gardens.  I wasn’t thinking about it and planted my new seedlings that I have been growing indoors.  I went to work for a day, came back with the chickens having made a tasty meal of my little plants.  I now have chicken wire hoops around the remaining plants and am trying to figure out if there is a cheap way to energize it with solar electricity to keep them away from my poor plants.  I will also be building a chicken run.  No more free range for these little chickens until my garden gets a bit more mature.

3. Installing fiberglass insulation under the kitchen.  I live in a tri-level house.  This means there is a crawlspace under the kitchen and great room.  I have always wanted to put insulation in there to keep the tile on the kitchen floor from being ice-cold in the morning.  This month I finally did it.  As it is summer, I haven’t noticed if the kitchen tiles are colder than they used to be.  I probably should have done the geek thing and taken temperature reading of before and after.

4. Dealing with a 5 month old.  This is the age of flipping around, scooting across the floor, drool like Niagara Falls, and waking up at all hours of the night – My wife has been an angel dealing with him, but where I used to sleep through anything short of a nuclear blast – I’m starting to wake up early in the morning and taking him for an hour before I go to work so she can sleep in.  To top it off, last night my 4 year old daughter got into our bed and about 2am pushed me off the mattress…All the books say just take her back to her room, which I did.  She immediately came to “full alert”, and ran back to our bedroom.  Tired as I was, I just went and slept in the guest room.  Just didn’t have the energy to fight the epic battle of “sleep in your room”

As for the fan I keep promising to install in my daughter’s bedroom…yeah, still in the box.  Maybe tonight…after I organize the garage and finish installing the insulation under the great room, assuming she doesn’t fall asleep in her room that is.

 

Resolutions for the New Year

As 2008 approaches, it’s time to brush off those new year’s resolutions.

Mine are pretty standard

1. Exercise the Body
2. Exercise the Mind
3. Keep the financial house in order
4. Be the family guy

Towards that end, I’m doing several things in 2008.

• Body: The first is that I’m Tivo’ing the show “Biggest Loser”, and will be joining their Million Pound Match-up.  I’m hoping to stay inspired as I strive to get rid of those 25 pounds that have crept up since my college days.
• Mind: SharpBrains is a good place to start.  So is reading a book, playing word games and filling out crossword puzzles.  My daughter got a microscope for Christmas (yes, geek-in-training!) and I’m sure I’ll enjoy showing her how to use it and exploring the back yard with her.
• Finances: Well, I’m pretty good on this front, although things have been a bit touch and go the last 3 months or so.  This year was tough with the paying off of the kitchen appliances, paying the midwife for the birth of my son, and all the other various sundries that go with welcoming a new addition to the family.  I’m planning on tightening the belt (figuratively and literally) as I will be bringing low-cost and healthy meals to work more often instead of going out for high-calorie/high-fat fast food.  I’m also going to work on not being the sucker for my daughter and getting her everything she asks for.  I know I should say no, but I have to admit that getting her a pretty dress and seeing her eyes light up is certainly a lot of fun!
• Family: It’s not just about kids, it’s about my partner as well.  Somewhere along the way we lost our “date-night” and ended up with me coming home and taking care of the kids while she goes out for a kid-free breather and coffee with her friend (who also happens to have 2 kids of similar age).  Time to start reviving “family game night” and of course “date night”!

So there are the 4 pillars and how I’m going to work this year and next on strengthening them.

Oh, and of course write more in the blogsphere.  I’ve been away and quite preoccupied with the birth of my son and the holidays… time to carve out a bit more time to spend with writing.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all!

 

One More Reason Not to Use Celebrity Role Models

Surfing the Internet, I ran across this little tidbit on Reuters:

Jamie Lynn Spears wasn’t the only one who was “shocked and scared” when the popular television star realized she was pregnant at age 16.

Spears, the kid sister of pop phenomenon Britney Spears, has posed a “what do we tell the children?” dilemma for parents of fans of Nickelodeon’s school-based drama “Zoey 101″ who see Jamie Lynn as a clean-cut, sensible role model on the show.

It’s the “Spears Curse”…  This should be the example for all parents of what not to do for your kids as you raise them.  Not surprisingly, the parenting books that Lynne Spears has written is being put on hold by the publisher:

A Christian publisher said on Wednesday it has called off a parenting book written by Lynne Spears — the mother of troubled pop star Britney Spears and her pregnant 16-year-old sister, Jamie Lynn.

“We have postponed the book indefinitely,” said Lindsey Nobles, spokeswoman for Tennessee-based Thomas Nelson.

And Lynne’s response to this whole thing?

Lynne Spears said in the article she was shocked when her younger daughter told her she was pregnant, saying Jamie Lynn was “always conscientious” and never violated curfew.

Really, could you even make this stuff up?

 

Baby is in Launch Position

This is our second baby. Our first child was in the womb in what is called a footling breech. That means she had one leg up and one leg down. I think this explains why she has gymnastic tendencies and thinks our drapes are a jungle gym. Since she presented this way, we were told that it was pretty much a mandatory C-section. We ended up scheduling the surgery and so we knew pretty much exactly when the baby would be coming.

Today my wife called to say the baby’s head is engaged and dropped. I had to look it up to see what that meant. Here’s the picture…

That my friends is “launch position“. We were thinking that the baby would be coming around the first week of December. According to the midwife, the blessed event will probably happen before Thanksgiving.

I don’t mind admitting I’m a little freaked out as there is still so much to do to get ready for the new baby. I think tonight will be a busy night… just in case (Although I’m still going out to see the Holmes comet).

 

The Branding Battle Ground

Last night my daughter and I went to the hardware store to get some drywall anchors.  Earlier that evening she had been literally swinging from the drapes in the front room and managed to pull one of the curtain rods down on her head.  Daddy was of course watching the football game.  After checking to make sure she was all right and giving her the proper scolding about how the living room was not a jungle gym we set about to repair the damage.

Spackling the holes was about a 30 second job.  Spackle is one of those items that is always handy to have around, whether you are a college student or the parent of a 3 year old, having a can of this wonder paste around the house is a must.

Once the spackle dried and my team was well on its way to winning the game, we headed out to the hardware store for some much needed heavy duty drywall anchors.

There are many places that I try to avoid in Wal-mart and Target because my wife and I are trying to make an attempt at raising a brand-free child.  We have intentionally made a choice to limit the amount of branding and advertising that she is exposed to.  I really didn’t think that I would need to start avoiding certain sections of the hardware store as well.  But last night I realized that even in Man’s Sacred Cave of Wonders, certain aisles are to be avoided at all costs.

I swear my daughter can pick out a Cinderella or Dora character from a mile away, it’s like it’s her secret super-power.  Walking down one of the aisles to the restroom I got hit with a “Wait, Daddy look at that, it’s so beautiful!”  What she was referring to was a package of Disney Princess wall stickers.

There’s a double whammy – Disney princesses and stickers together!  Two things that my daughter absolutely loves.

Then I really started looking around, and I realized that as parents we are subjected to branding from advertisers at every turn.

Colleen Kimmet recently wrote an article about Raising a Brand-Free Kid.  In it she talks about the constant battle we as parents face dealing with marketers.

Parents as sitting ducks

All the parents interviewed said they feel targeted by advertisers, and indeed, the desire to make one’s child happy is a powerful marketing tool.

Verbrugge, who used to work as a consultant on projects related to children’s online activities, says she attended many marketing conferences as part of her job.

“It taught me how sophisticated marketers are in reaching people, and more and more how integrated marketing is in everything we see and do,” she says.

“I think we’re seen as consumers…how much wallet share do kids have, and how much can they influence our spending.”

The article also talks about a book that I am going to have to check out from the local library:

In her book Buy Buy Baby: How Consumer Culture Manipulates Parents and Harms Young Minds, Susan Gregory Thomas explores the widespread and controversial phenomenon of using spokes-characters in advertising to young children.

I thought that this quote was particular poignant:

The retired Grade 1 teacher says he regularly saw different trends and fads sweep through the school, but in his own class and home he tried to encourage individuality.

“While it lines the pockets of large corporations, branding undermines creativity and choices, in a sense,” he says.

“[Diversity] encourages the capacity to create something different.”

But at the end of the day, as the article points out, just like living organically, buying from sustainable resources, limiting processed foods and living the values you want and that you want your kids to have, it’s really all about making that conscious choice to do what you believe is best.  And sometimes what’s best leaves you with a sobbing child who may never thank you for making that decision to walk away from the 2 foot tall Disney Princess wall stickers.

 

Organic Jack o’Lantern from the Garden

This Halloween, I carved my first organic pumpkin from my garden. This pumpkin was a ‘volunteer’ from the compost from last year where the seeds didn’t quite cook enough and still had their ability to grow. It started off as a seedling around another tree and we transplanted it to it’s own space.

I have to admit that it was a lot of fun watching it grow from a little plant into a nice 16 pound pumpkin. My daughter and I harvested it the day before Halloween and scooped out the ‘guts’. what was interesting is that as we were scooping out the seeds we noticed several of them had actually sprouted inside the shell. these are definitely some hardy seeds!

Now, we could have done some of the cool designs that I see every year where people spend way too much time creating works that Michael Angelo would be proud of, but as I am lucky to even get around to carving the pumpkin in the first place, I figured simple was better. We didn’t use any fancy tools like you’ll find here:

• Essential Pumpkin Carving Tools
• Pumpkin Carving Design Inspirations

What we did do, was put down newspaper and used a sharp knife. That was easy, quick, and we still had a lot of fun!

 

Are We Overmedicating our Children?

I’m not a big fan of medications, at least those that treat symptoms rather than the cause.  I can understand taking medications for things like high blood pressure, cholesterol, heart conditions, etc. that you use to get things under control, but when you cover up a symptom, you’re usually not treating the root cause.

For instance, get on cholesterol reducing medication if you need it, but be sure you also watch what you eat.  Take blood pressure lowing medication, but also go out and exercise.  I’m always troubled by the mentality that just by popping a pill things are all better.

In America, I think we live in a highly medicated society.  Growing up I was told I had ADD/HD and I had to take Ritalin.  I still think I was just bored in school.  Feeding a kid a form of speed in order to make things seem more interesting isn’t my idea of treating the root cause, maybe there problem is that school really is boring?

There is an interesting post on a blog over at Vox, it rambles a bit, but definitely gets the point across that we do live is a society that overmedicates.

So it wasn’t really a surprise when I saw an article from the Washington Post,because most people seem to be under the impression if a little medication is good, then a lot of medication must be better.  Some of the text of the article is as follows:

—

NEW BRUNSWICK, N.J. — Johnson & Johnson on Thursday voluntarily recalled certain infant cough and cold products, citing “rare” instances of misuse leading to overdoses.

In a statement, J&J’s McNeil-PPC unit cited “rare instances of misuse”, which could lead to overdoses “particularly in infants under two years of age.”

The products being recalled include:

• infants’ Tylenol Drops Plus Cold;
• Concentrated Infants’ Tylenol Drops Plus Cold & Cough;
• Pediacare Infant Drops Decongestant;
• Pediacare Infant Drops Decongestant & Cough;
• Pediacare Infant Dropper Decongestant;
• Pediacare Infant Dropper Long-Acting Cough;
• Pediacare Infant Dropper Decongestant & Cough (PE) products.

—

And when I think about it, when I was sick with a cold or a cough, I usually got tea with a bit of honey to soothe the throat.  But here’s the thing to remember – If you or your child is sick, your body will react in the way it best knows how to fight off the sickness.  Most medications will not “cure” sickness, but just mask them.  Sometimes it’s best to let nature run its course.

Granted, there is a time a place for medications.  But when we’ve gotten to the point where we have “anti-bacterial” everything (including counter-tops, soap, and athletic socks) and we’re at a point where the wonder drugs like penicillin are becoming ineffective against bacterial infections today, I just have to wonder if we’re heading to disaster in the form of a super-bug that’s developed resistance to all of our medical arsenal.

 

Cloth Diapers

Now that we have a newborn on the way, we’ve started to break out all the old gear that we packed away last year.  Included in the various onesies and sleepers is a big stack of cloth diapers.

When my wife and I first decided we would use cloth diapers, we got a lot of funny looks.  People wanted to know what  diaper service we were going to use.  We didn’t actually use a diaper service.  With a few simple tips, I think you’ll find cloth diapers are both more economical and more ecologically friendly than disposables.  I thought I’d share a few of those tips and resources here about what worked for us and see if anybody has some good advice to add.

1.  Is using cloth really economical?

Some people have said that they thought that cloth was so much more expensive than disposables.  And in the beginning it is.  Cloth is something you have to stick with for several months before you reach a break even point.

The folks over at www.diaperpin.com have a great calculator for figuring out what your break even point will be, as well as how much you will save in a year and a half of using cloth.  Since my daughter was potty trained closer to 2 and a half, we saved more than what the calculator can currently show.  The “common” wisdom out there that I’ve read says you’ll save about $1000 per child using cloth instead of disposable.

2. Don’t be afraid to use disposables

For the most part, my wife and I used cloth whenever possible.  But when going over to a friend’s house to watch Monday night football or out to a restaurant for dinner, I would slip a disposable on my daughter and carry a few extras in the bag.  For me it was a bit easier to slip off the disposable, toss in the garbage, and tape the next one on.  Plus, I didn’t really like the idea of carrying around a zip-lock bag full of soiled cloth diapers.  We probably went through about 3 disposables a week, so not a big impact on the environment and well worth the extra bit of sanity it afforded.  One thing I noticed was that some restaurants don’t have changing tables in the men’s restroom, so the quicker I could get in and out the better. 

3. Use the high quality cloth diapers with plastic snaps.

I don’t even know if they still sell the square folded diapers that you have to use safety pins on.  I thought the form fitting cloth with plastic snaps was the greatest invention ever.  They are just as convenient as the disposable and they only take a few seconds extra to put on.

We bought two basic styles, the all-in-one “pocket diapers” like they have at Fuzzi Buns (you put the inserts into the cover) and the two piece kinds that are fitted cloth diapers with a separate plastic cover.

Pocket Diaper
Fitted Cloth Diaper	Diaper Cover

4. Look for used on eBay and other online deals

We bought almost all of our cloth diapers on eBay (even more cost savings!).  As such, there is some mix and match.  Again, I have friends who were skeptical and there were a few negative reactions.  “Ewww, you’re buying someone else’s used diapers?”  But let’s face it, once it goes through the washing machine, it’s about as clean and sanitary as ones you’ve just bought at the store.  In preparation for the cloth diapers, we actually bought a front loading washing machine with a “sanitize” setting.  Both because we wanted those extra features and our current washing machine was on it’s last legs; it kept getting “stuck” in mid-cycle.

 5. How many diapers do I need to buy?

A good rule of thumb is about 12 diapers per day, or roughly one every 2 hours for newborns as this is about how often they soil them, just like disposables.  Multiply that by how often you do the wash and you’ll have a pretty good idea of how many you’ll need to stock up on.  I’m a bit lazy when I do the wash, and I try to time it to either the weekends, or when I have a couple of hours to spend in front of the TV watching a sports game.  I would recommend you have 5-7 days worth of diapers on hand, so about 60-84 of these little gems.  I’ve seen other sites out there that recommend 36-48 diapers for newborns, and only 20-30 for toddlers.

However many you decide to have on hand, remember to get a diaper pail with a lid and keep a big shaker of baking powder next to it.  Change the diaper, drop it in the pail, shake some baking powder on it and close the lid.  Hardly any smell.

6. How do I wash cloth diapers?

Our washing machine has a sanitize setting, so we generally use that with a cold rinse setting.  I’ve also seen articles out there that recommend rinsing the cloth diapers with Tea Tree oil and vinegar at least once a month.  BUT, whatever you do, don’t use fabric softener on your diapers!  Why you ask?  The key to laundering diapers is getting them clean without leaving ANY TRACE of detergents or their residues.  Fabric softeners work by coating individual fibers with a waxy substance. This repels water, and keeps the fibers from absorbing wetness (which is the exact opposite of what we want them to do).

There is a great article on choosing a detergent at www.sunshinediapers.com that I recommend to everyone who is using cloth diapers.

 I’d love to hear from other dads who are using cloth diapers and any tips or tricks they recommend!  Thanks for reading.